Dear Tori (Season Finale of Tori & Dean Edition)

August 5, 2009

Dear Tori,

I love your show. People mock me for loving it so much, but I really just love how real you come across and how consistent you are in your show, book and television appearances. I love the way you show your emotions. I love that you are a self-professed workaholic but yearn for more time with your family. I love that you are detail-oriented and a perfectionist. I love that you can’t say no.

I love all of these things because they are the same things people accuse me of on a daily basis. But what can I get rid of? Life is full of too many amazing opportunities to say no, to let a detail pass by unnoticed, to let a job go by unworked.

And yet – there are only 24 hours in the day, 7 days in the week. And – as much as I hate to admit it – at some point humans have to sleep.

The season finale of the third season of your reality show, Tori and Dean, was on last night. It was your daughter Stella’s first birthday, celebrated with a family and friends, a spectacular party (I believe I described it to Sarah #2 as “off the charts”) that wouldn’t be complete without a Hansen cake. Unfortunately, I felt that all of this extravagance was overshadowed by the pending potential arrival of your mother, Candy Spelling. In the end, she didn’t come, which inevitably caused a riff between you and your husband, tears and you dealing with anxiety over the future of your relationship.

I’m not going to pretend that I understand the relationship between you and your mom. I don’t know you. I’ve watched you on T.V., I’ve read your books and I’ve seen your pictures in magazines.

What I do know is that I’ve realized over the years that relationships rarely thrive when they’re given a timeline or ultimatim. Relationships that I’ve written off have never failed to surprise me, to rekindle and to come back into my life when I least expect them to. Letting them do so on their own time has made them stronger – and it’s made me stronger.

Don’t write off your relationship with your mother. But don’t stress about it either. Don’t listen to the press, to the media speculation or the celebrity bloggers who are trying to convince their readers to take sides. Just let it happen. Let it work in its own time. Let it surprise you.

You have too many other things going on in your life to let something like this consume you. Live your life the best way you know how.

One of my favorites phrases is “Give it to God and Get Over It.”

If you’re not into the whole religious thing then how about “Give it to the Great Outdoors and Get Over It.”

This will work itself out the way it was meant to.

With love, regard and respect,
Sarah #1