Dear Tori

May 17, 2010

Hey folks – it’s been far too long.  But in fairness to me – I’ve been busy.  This pesky little thing called ‘school’ kept me away from sharing my blog musings over here.  Anyway – school is over, I have my master’s and Tori and Dean is back – seriously, does life get any better than that?

I didn’t think so.

I figured it was high time for another rendition of ‘Dear Tori’ – here goes …

Dear Tori,

I’m not sure how I feel about the new season of Tori & Dean.  There is a LOT of drama between you and Dean.  And I don’t like it.  First of all, I’m a big fan of covenant.  As in – you both make it, you both stick to it.  Second of all, I like you two as a couple.  You are adorable.  You have beautiful children.  I love your business ventures – oversized costume jewelry?  YUM.  Your ‘soulmate’ language is a little cheesy for my liking, but you are actors and are used to being dramatic for effect.

Where was I?  Oh, right – third of all.  Third of all, Dean all but has your name tattooed on 3/4 of his right arm.  You need to make this work – otherwise – well – that’s a big tattoo to have an ex-wife’s name on (or maybe it’s not a name, you’re just a fish or something – regardless, still huge).

I know you want to show the ‘real you’ on television – and I appreciate that.  I also appreciate the fact that you have invited me into your home (on television, of course).  It’s nice to know that celebrities argue in relationships just like anyone.  But I have to say, it is a little uncomfortable to be THAT in your business when you are having an argument – er, huge blowout fight – with your husband.  I wouldn’t want my own mother to know about petty arguments my husband and I have had, let alone – well – everyone who gets the Oxygen channel.

Speaking of your mother – I love how you nonchalantly threw in, “Liam, did you have fun at school with Grandma today?” without making a big deal about it.  The way you have changed your relationship with your mother and the press is how you should approach your relationship with Dean.  Be honest, yes – but don’t air your dirty laundry on national TV.  I want to respect you more than that.

I cannot wait for your third book, uncharted terriTORI to come out.  I loved your first book (sTORItelling), but was less a fan of the second (Mommywood).  To me, Mommywood just seemed a little rushed, not necessarily reflecting on lessons learned through motherhood, rather sharing horror stories from raising a family combined with raising a family in the spotlight.  There were also one too many cracks at your mother.  I’m hoping uncharted terriTORI has more reflections on some of the things that you’ve learned.

Regardless, uncharted terriTORI comes out on June 15th, 15 days after I start a summer internship at a Level I trauma center in downtown Atlanta.  I will most likely need your sweet sense of humor at that point.  So, in advance – thank you for being an outlet while I’m going through an intense program.

Speaking of Atlanta – you SO should have done an appearance while you were here visiting Patsy.  But I understand the need to just get away from work.  So I will just leave this subject alone by apologizing for Atlanta traffic and asking where that adorable antique shop was that you and Patsy went to.  I would like the go there.  Badly.

Keep up the good work, ignore the naysayers and listen to your gut.  You have done amazing things in your life and I know the best is yet to come.

Sarah #1

p.s. Please take on less projects – you look overworked and tired.  I know that no one wants to hear that, but it’s true.  Don’t overwork yourself.  No amount of money is worth that.


Tori and Dean

April 5, 2010

Tori and Dean: Home Sweet Hollywood premieres TONIGHT at 10 p.m. on Oxygen!!!!!

Yes, I am a seminary student.

Yes, I understand reality and I understand that Hollywood “reality” shows are far from actual reality.

Yes, I realize things are fabricated for ratings and to keep people like me watching.

Yes, there are better things I could be doing (like studying or writing my sermon for Sunday or writing my ordination papers) than watching Hollywood stars and starletts air their dirty laundry on TV.

No, watching Tori & Dean will probably never provide me with any tools for sermon writing, counseling or church administration.


So I guarantee that tonight I will rush home from class (Chaplaincy in a Multi-Religious context, you’ve got NOTHING on Tori & Dean), park myself in front of the TV with my laptop (“studying”) and filling in poor Sarah #2, who DOESN’T HAVE OXYGEN and therefore will not be able to watch live.

And then I will probably blog about how amazing it was.

And then you will all lose whatever respect you had for me.

Sarah #1

p.s. Don’t forget to wear a dress tomorrow!!!!!

Dear Tori (Season Finale of Tori & Dean Edition)

August 5, 2009

Dear Tori,

I love your show. People mock me for loving it so much, but I really just love how real you come across and how consistent you are in your show, book and television appearances. I love the way you show your emotions. I love that you are a self-professed workaholic but yearn for more time with your family. I love that you are detail-oriented and a perfectionist. I love that you can’t say no.

I love all of these things because they are the same things people accuse me of on a daily basis. But what can I get rid of? Life is full of too many amazing opportunities to say no, to let a detail pass by unnoticed, to let a job go by unworked.

And yet – there are only 24 hours in the day, 7 days in the week. And – as much as I hate to admit it – at some point humans have to sleep.

The season finale of the third season of your reality show, Tori and Dean, was on last night. It was your daughter Stella’s first birthday, celebrated with a family and friends, a spectacular party (I believe I described it to Sarah #2 as “off the charts”) that wouldn’t be complete without a Hansen cake. Unfortunately, I felt that all of this extravagance was overshadowed by the pending potential arrival of your mother, Candy Spelling. In the end, she didn’t come, which inevitably caused a riff between you and your husband, tears and you dealing with anxiety over the future of your relationship.

I’m not going to pretend that I understand the relationship between you and your mom. I don’t know you. I’ve watched you on T.V., I’ve read your books and I’ve seen your pictures in magazines.

What I do know is that I’ve realized over the years that relationships rarely thrive when they’re given a timeline or ultimatim. Relationships that I’ve written off have never failed to surprise me, to rekindle and to come back into my life when I least expect them to. Letting them do so on their own time has made them stronger – and it’s made me stronger.

Don’t write off your relationship with your mother. But don’t stress about it either. Don’t listen to the press, to the media speculation or the celebrity bloggers who are trying to convince their readers to take sides. Just let it happen. Let it work in its own time. Let it surprise you.

You have too many other things going on in your life to let something like this consume you. Live your life the best way you know how.

One of my favorites phrases is “Give it to God and Get Over It.”

If you’re not into the whole religious thing then how about “Give it to the Great Outdoors and Get Over It.”

This will work itself out the way it was meant to.

With love, regard and respect,
Sarah #1