I Want to be Harry Potter.

November 2, 2009

Every year (for the past 3 years), I’ve been taunted by the Halloween costume that I so, so, so badly want to own.


IT’S A HARRY POTTER COSTUME. I’m in love with it. I want to wear it every day, no matter where I go. Ask my friends, I talk about it all the time (and they hate me for it). And every year at Halloween I lament the fact that I cannot get this costume because I LOVE IT. I want to wear it to work and grocery shopping and when I get married. It’s nothing short of amazing. And, I’m pretty sure it would give me the power to do spells and fix all my problems – and say things like “Riddikulus!” without being made fun of (Note: I’ll ignore you if you make fun of me because I’ll be focused on my awesome outfit).

I’ve tried it on before, more than once. Sadly, it does NOT look good on me. Apparently that shade of gray is really not my color. But, it comes with glasses and a wand… who wouldn’t want that?!; unfortunately, Laura Lagana always reminds me how awful it looked on me.

She’s right, but each time I think about it, my soul dies just a little. So, Halloween rolls around and I hope that they release the same costume in a new color (maybe maroon, for Gryffindor?), but it never happens.

So, I have to compromise. By compromise, I mean I have to let Amanda tell me what to wear because all I can think about is how I just want to dress like Harry Potter.

Luckily, her choice this year was still a literary figure and there’s still magic involved – and music! ALL OF MY FAVORITE THINGS!

This year, I dressed as Cinderella. The advantages to this costume included the fact that it was poofy and therefore allowed me to drink a lot and then eat taquitos and cheetos to my heart’s content.  Additionally, I could spend all night singing songs from Cinderella; unfortunately, Cinderella’s main song was not one I was happy to sing due to bouts of depression. Therefore, I did the next best thing and sang Britney Spears songs.

And so went my descent into the realm of sloppy Cinderella. Because I bet she totally needed to do car bombs after a long day of cleaning up soot, watching her sisters meet the prince, and losing her shoe, and it was my goal to be as literarily accurate as possible.


So, I was part of a princess posse. And sometimes, on particularly bad days, you need some princesses in your life who will bake you cookies and make you take shots and who will sing Disney songs with you at bars. I bet Cinderella wished she had that.

– Sarah #2

October is not tangible.

October 21, 2009

Remember how I went on and on about how things would improve once Mercury was out of retrograde? Well, I think Mercury got really upset with me for rejoicing so fully in it’s movement. I think it decided to take post-retrograde revenge on me. Because, just when I was all the bright side is that things can only go up from here. BAM! 

Things went down. Then they went down more. Then even more. Then more. THEN EVEN MORE. I’d say maybe it’s done, but I don’t want to second guess the wrath of Mercury. Needless to say, Mercury was practically a cakewalk compared to the month of October. Let’s not talk about it.

My solution to my troubles? Well, first I ate a pile of vegetables covered in cheese because I love vegetables and I love cheese. Then I watched the Disney channel for an amount of time that I do not care to disclose. While I did that I colored in my Harry Potter coloring book which I’m sure you’re all jealous of because it came with temporary tattoos. Then I painted my nails back to the color the were when things in my life were more pleasant. I also finished off a bottle of Jack. Don’t get your panties in a twist, I didn’t open and finish the bottle. I just had enough for one big drink. It was delicious but then I was sad that the bottle was empty.

None of that really helped me feel better, so I ran. Far. Because running helps me to simultaneously think and not think. It takes the edge off of life. Because when you’re trying not to die from the lack of air, it’s hard to be concerned about anything else that’s going on in your life.

“Now, and for a long time, the best way Bridget knew to settle her mind was to run. Sometimes she felt that the meditative state of the long, quiet miles helped her to think. Sometimes she felt that the pure exhaustion helped her not to think.”
(Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 3, page 59)

So, I ran really, really far until the cold air gave me an asthma attack and I had no choice but to stop. I’m just going to keep running away from October and towards November like I’m freaking Forrest Gump (I do like boxes of chocolate). This way, even if November sucks too, I’ll be in awesome shape. But I hope the weather doesn’t get too cold because all my warm outfits are at home. It would be just like October to freeze me. If October were tangible, I’d punch it in its face. Damn you, October, you sneaky bastard!

– Sarah #2

P.S. Yes, I write down quotes from books and save them in a Word Document because I am a loser and I really like books and I really like well-written thoughts.

I <3 Disney

October 4, 2009

I love my friend, Ashley F., quite sincerely. However, she does NOT at all love my affection for a number of things including, but not limited to, the Food Network, Harry Potter, or all things Disney Channel. Thus, I constantly try to make her love these things (for her own good).

I like to help her overcome her intolerance by sending her music videos performed by those kids on the Disney Channel. And, though you’re busy judging me, I’d just like to point out that at least 2 of those girls can sing and one of the Jonas Brothers looks like a cute puppy.

It never goes over well, but I’m not going to stop trying. Did you hear me, Ashley? I’LL NEVER STOP TRYING.

Here’s how it usually goes:

Ashley F: where do you find this shit sarah ?

Me: listen to the words, the lyrics are so good

Me: and shut up, ashley, i find it in awesome town

Me: give it time. you’ll actually like it

(I sent another video)

Ashley F: its the same one from before

Ashley F: don’t trick me into watching it again!

All I’m saying is that the Disney Channel kids produce some quality songs. I mean, Demi Lovato is awesome.

– Sarah #2

Cool Aunt Sarah

August 4, 2009

My sister had a baby. Brenna – that’s her name. She’s this super tiny thing that I want to hold and bounce around and teach. And by teach, I mean bond with. And by bond with, I mean corrupt.

Who knows if I’m going to have my own kids? This could be my best chance to mold the youth of America to my liking. I’m totally all about quitting my job and teaching Brenna about the wonders of the world, starting with General Hospital. She can’t grow up in a world where Luke and Laura aren’t in her vernacular. I won’t allow it! And who’s going to tell her that it’s okay to watch Hannah Montana (even when you’re 24)? My dad won’t tell her that. He will totally tell her the opposite of that. Listen up, Brenna. Don’t let go of your youth. When it’s 12am and you should be sleeping because you’re a member of the “real world,” do not hesitate to stay up late watching the Disney Channel instead. You can sleep at your desk tomorrow.

And who, I ask you, is going to teach her to play soccer? ME. Because Brenna, soccer is the only acceptable sport for a lady to play. You get down, you get dirty, and you get to kick stuff. Those are life lessons, my friend. I still kick stuff. Like ass. (I also take names, on occasion).

Most importantly, I plan to teach her to say hilarious things. We’ve already started. I taught her 4 words in Spanish because I want her to be a saucy bilingual minx. However, I’ve also said as many hilarious slang words as I can whilst in her presence. Fo shizzle, Brenna. This technique works quite well. Ask my dad, he now says “hanging and banging.” “What are we doing, Brenna? GrandDuff, we are just hanging and banging” – I taught him that phrase and yes, I did hear him say that to her in the hospital room.

So, Brenna, my little homeslice, I can’t wait to hang out with you. We can watch Wizards of Waverly Place and then I’ll teach you how to do the Macarena. Fun times already.

– Sarah #2