Being a Girl Requires $$

December 23, 2009

I frequently discuss with my friends how much easier boys have it than girls. SO MUCH EASIER. In this instance, I’m talking about money.

While all you boys are out buying fishing rods, big TVs, and video games, girls are not. You think we don’t want those things? Wrong, mister. We just can’t afford them because we were born with boobs. A curse, for your delight.

Seriously, do you know how much it costs to be a girl?

1.) Make up – We pay major dollars for this crap just so you find us appealing. Meanwhile, your skin tone is uneven and the airplane fee for the bags under your eyes would be atrocious, but I still manage to find you attractive. Do you know how much eye liner costs?! You can’t handle that knowledge.

2) Bras – We have to wear these everyday (unless you’re like me and try to avoid it. Hello, Ursinus and bra-less brunch). These puppies are expensive (I’m talking about the bras, not my boobs which are real, thank you very much)! And they don’t last all that long. And if we want the fancy ones that you might find hot, it’s like double the price. DOUBLE.

3) Tampons – Yeah, I went there. Don’t be fooled because they’re essentially made of cotton, these cost way more than a pile of cotton should. And we use a lot of them. Sigh.

4) Birth Control – This shit is expensive. And full of side effects. But, it’s the price we pay. Monthly.

5) El Doctor – Women are supposed to visit their doctor each and every year or bad things can happen up in there. And then one visit leads to two, which sometimes leads to three… And boys just ignore their health and live forever. Stirrups aren’t just for riding horses! But you wouldn’t know that, would you?

6) Jewelry – We buy cute accessories so that you think we’re cute. We try to distract you from our personalities with shiny trinkets. Ooooh! Pretty bracelets! So shiny! That bracelet was $20, fool. You better say you like it.

7) Hair – A haircut and highlights ends up being $200. Then, toss in the cost of headbands and hair ties. Not to mention that I can spend an hour curling my hair and you can just shave your head and no one cares. Or, you grow it out long and gross and wear a hat. Oh, the injustice.

8) Shoes – You may say that we do not require the amount of shoes that we own. Well, you’re wrong. I need all of my shoes because, unlike you, I can’t just toss on the same pair of old flip flops or my one pair of dress shoes and have them match everything I own. It doesn’t work like that. It’s called fashion sense.

9) General Beauty – Okay, I don’t spend money on this personally, but a lot of girls pay to have their nails done and their eyebrows (and other things) waxed. Why? Because it makes us look nice, neat, and attractive. Sure, it’s not necessary, but the alternative isn’t always so hot. YOU DON’T WANT TO SEE THE ALTERNATIVE.

So, you know what? Yes, you should buy me dinner. And yes, you should buy me a drink. I am poor. A lot of money went into the way I look. The reason I don’t look better? BECAUSE I’M POOR. So, next time you’re out buying another video game, think of how I’m spending that money. Two words: Pap smear. Now you know.

Seriously, boys, you owe us.

– Sarah #2