In order to be ordained, Sarah #1 has to get a big old Psych Evaluation. Crazy, right? But hopefully she’s not, since, you know, that’d screw everything up.
So anyway, in filling out all the materials for the evaluation, she discovered that she had to list 25 accomplishments. And she was all I haven’t been aliiiiiive long enough to accomplish 25 things ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
So, while listing her accomplishments in life, which, let me tell you, was way easier than she made it seem, I realized that the things I consider to be my own accomplishments are lame. Because, in between telling her that I thought getting married and going to graduate school were her accomplishments, I also suggested the following as my own accomplishments:
1. I got my hair cut without my mom. ACCOMPLISHMENT.
2. I take a shower 6/7 days a week. ACCOMPLISHMENT.
3. I wore a bra to work today. (But not yesterday). ACCOMPLISHMENT.
4. I went to the post office by myself last month. ACCOMPLISHMENT.
5. I refrained from kicking numerous people in the face that I thought justifiably needed to be kicked. ACCOMPLISHMENT.
As I was telling Sarah #1 that I consider these things to be accomplishments, I realized that I’d probably never pass her little psych exam because I consider the fact that I drove to work today instead of staying in my bed watching FRIENDS to be an accomplishment, and if some psych person tried to tell me that my accomplishments were not really accomplishments, I’d be all PROVE IT. And, he or she wouldn’t be able to and I’d be all HA! UNACCOMPLISHMENT! and probably still fail the exam.
Anyway, Sarah, being the optimist that she is, was like this means that you appreciate the little things! And me, being the opposite of that, was like this means that either I have no big accomplishments in my life because I suck or it means that I am so pathetic that the fact that my socks match my outfit today is actually a serious accomplishment for me.
So, basically this exercise helped us determine that Sarah’s got nothing to worry about. She’s totally going to pass her exam. And, lucky for me, I’m not in a line of work where I need to evaluate my accomplishments, and therefore I am choosing not to. However, it won’t stop be from repeatedly saying ACCOMPLISHMENT. whenever I get the chance. (Like shouting SHINGLES!!)
Avoidance? ACCOMPLISHMENT. (An accomplishment that I regularly accomplish).
Finishing a blog post? ACCOMPLISHMENT.
Not caring what anyone thinks about my lame accomplishments? ACCOMPLISHMENT.
Besides, who needs to accomplish things anyway?
(Note: People who need to eventually pass big psych exams wherein they are required to list their accomplishments need to actually accomplish things.)
– Sarah #2
P.S. This post was just an excuse to talk about SHINGLES! (Watch the video. It’s frighteningly awesome).